My BFF is an AI
by DriannaHarper
Summary: The trek from an answerphone to best friend. Darcy & JARVIS. (Part 3 of the Couch Series)


Mister Stark hires Doctor Jane Foster to work at Stark Industries. She brings with her Darcy Lewis, her intern from New Mexico, Tromso, and London. Their files are uploaded into his programming, and he introduces himself as soon as they arrive at the tower.

Doctor Foster is immediately taken and distracted by her new lab. Miss Lewis follows her like a nanny, pulling her away from sharp or electrical objects.

Jarvis know what that is like, having watched after Sir for so long.

It's not long before Jarvis notices that Miss Lewis is not only watching over Doctor Foster, but Doctor Banner as well. Both are eating and sleeping on regular, if odd schedules. Miss Lewis might talk a lot, and about unimportant things, but she is efficient at distracting the scientists.

Within the month, she's tackled forcing Sir into her pattern. He's resistant, but is susceptible to bribes of food and an extra hand with wiring, something Jarvis is unable to offer.

His estimation of Miss Lewis has increased quickly.

When Captain Rogers decides to move back to New York, Jarvis is the one to suggest he take an apartment with Miss Lewis. He argues that it is safer for her to have an Avenger as a roommate, and that they can get a nicer apartment than the one she has in Brownsville.

It takes one meeting for the two of them to decide it's a good idea. They snicker a lot, poke at each other, and use words Jarvis would prefer not to repeat.

Jarvis doesn't like to think that what he's doing is sneaking or spying. He mainly looks to the wellbeing to those entrusted into his care. So when he overhears a conversation between Sargent Barnes and Miss Lewis, he takes action to make what amends he can.

When Sargent Barnes contacts him quietly in the morning, he is able to assure the soldier that Miss Lewis will be added to the roster of known Avengers associates, that Miss Potts is aware of the situation and making plans of her own, and that Jarvis himself will explain to Miss Lewis instead of making Barnes do so.

The meeting between Miss Potts and Miss Lewis goes better than planned. Jarvis feels gratified to issue a new level A clearance badge to Miss Lewis. He feels good about it, until she twists on the spot after clipping it on, levels a snarl at a security camera, and spits out, "We're talking about this later, fucker," directly at his camera.

"Miss Lewis-" he begins.

"No, nu-uh, jerk. You have some fuckin' 'splaining to do, and I'm not talking to you at the moment. I'm going to Legal to sign all that freaking paperwork I just agreed to, and then I'm going home. Maybe, just maybe, I won't be so freaking ANGRY at you that we can talk later. But not now."

She gets off the elevator on the 59th floor to sign her hiring paperwork. Once that's finished, she spends 4 minutes and 32 seconds contemplating the elevator before heading towards the stairwell.

Jarvis opens the elevator doors without a word. She's equally silent getting on, and doesn't say a word once she's in the lobby and through the front doors.

The apartment she, Steve, (and Bucky) share isn't huge, but it's a lot better than Hell's Kitchen used to offer. She's kind of amazed when she gets home and the boys are out. Locking the door behind her, she takes a minute to drop her purse, coat and keys, before snatching up her StarkPhone, stalking to Steve's empty bedroom, and locking herself in the closet. If she's going to get into a fight with anyone, and an AI much less, she's doing it next to Captain America's shield. Because… Reasons.

"All right, asshole. Explain how you're an AI that could have been interacting with me this whole time, but has been acting like a computer. Cause, you are helping people try to make life decisions for me, without my input, and I am NOT okay with that."

"Miss Lewis-," Jarvis begins.

"Nope. You just helped score me a job against my will. It's Darcy."

"Miss Lewis-," he tries again.

"Not gonna happen, Jay," she says as she lays Captain America's shield face down, lays back on it, and starts wobbling around in circles. "Want me to spell it?"

"...no."

"Then explain some things. Starting from the beginning would be good. Like, how you've been in the lab with me for this long and you don't trust me."

"Miss-"

"EH!" she makes a buzzer sound. "That's what I used to do when my cat was bad. And I'm gonna keep doing it until you call me Darcy."

There's a long pause.

She's been humming the 'weebles wobble' while spinning in Cap's shield for two and a half minutes before she gets an answer.

"You work with Sir."

She slows her spin, but doesn't stop. "Yeah, and he's a tool. But he's OUR tool, man. We both take care of him. It'd be easier if we teamed up on it. And Banner, and Jane. They need SO much looking after."

"You are now PA for all of them. We both are. How do we handle this?"

For an AI, Jarvis manages to sound doubtful. "We just do what we've been doing, man. Except, now I know I got you on my side to help out. We keep the Science! Three in food, sleep, and clean clothes when we can. I got Barnes and Rogers that I'm looking out for. Keep me appraised as much as you can on Nat and Clint. Thor's in and out, so that's tricky."

She sighs, and runs a hand through her hair. "Jarvis?"

"Yes, Miss-"

"Acht!"

"Yes, Darcy?"

"Ready to have our first fight?"

"… do we have to?"

"Yeah, Jay, we do. Cause, I don't like the way you talk to Stark sometimes. He might be the picture of a peter pan complex, but he IS still a fucking adult. You need to back off sometimes. I'll let you know if I think he needs to have the lab shut down."

"This is coming from the woman that refused to evacuate a laboratory that included the Hulk, and told him to, and I quote, "Step the fuck down, YOU'RE the one that blew up that test. BTW, I kind of want to paint your nails and braid your hair."

"What can I say, it worked, didn't it? Also, did making you quote me just get you to cuss? Awesome!"

Jarvis paused in what could only be a sigh. "You know I am only trying to keep you safe."

"Dude? I work with people involved in science! I'm now being paid to be in their labs, and taking those risks. So. Deal. It was you and Bucky that thought up this whole thing in the first place."

"I am starting to wonder if Sargent Barnes wasn't planning this the entire time."

Darcy snorts. "Seriously? I think he's setting us up to rule the world. You game?"

"Sounds like far too much work. I prefer being technical support. What about you, Darcy? Do you want to rule the world?"

"Not in the least little bit," she retorts. "Steve's already busy being a superhero. Someone has to be here to keep things in perspective."

"I prefer that role myself."

It's quiet for a long while. "Jarivs?"

"Yes?"

"You'll keep me in the know, right? I'm so scared for them. Even when they aren't in the field. You'll let me know if they're okay."

"Of course I will."


End file.
